Review

If you go to see New Moon and have not read the books you are probably expecting a film about forbiddon love and sexy romance, but you might be in for a surprise.





The movie stars a moderatly attractive female named Bella who is little more then a handbag for the men in the film. She can do nothing without a man. This includeds driving her own car, and in fact, staying sane. Early in the film (this is not a spoiler) Edward the man hunk breaks up with Bella. Bella is horrified that her first high school crush could do this to her and proceeds to become an adrenaline junkie to sate this. Because for some reason anytime she does something insane, (such as riding a motorcycle because it's the most hardcore thing she could think of) Edward speaks to her in a ghostly form. She needs to see him and this is the only way.





However, The majority of the film is not about love, and very little action happens. So what is there to see? Well, hot Native American guys without a shirt! Roughly 80% of the movie is "werewolf" indian guys romping around with each other. The main werewolf guy, Jacob is a good friend of Bellas. It also seems that the film is "hinting" (not very subtle) that the werewolves are homosexual.





The "hints":





• Jacob explains being a werewolf to Bella. "This isn't a lifestyle choice! I was born this way!"





•Shirtless werewolves wrestling on the floor.





• Werewolf that wax their chests. Do you see the irony in this?





• Another werewolf, upon seeing Jacobs freindship with Bella,
snickers "OH! Jacob, is that your new....Girlfriend? XD"


The movie is funny though, I havn't laughed this hard in awhile. Yeah, go see it if you want.



For the short version of my review, look below.

Mantastic

I heard he was homofabulous
I heard this from my friend.

She happens to gossip alot.

In a videogame she would be called the "gossping lady"

I know because this one time I was playing this one cool game (the game was cool because it had this one dinosaur that could shoot heatseeking sharks out its chest that explode.) and there was an NPC called "gossiping lady" and she had blonde hair with brown eyes and was moderatly chubchub.

Just like my gossiping friend.

The resemblance was uncanny. I dare say it was the most uncanny of all.

But I have no evidence of its uncannyness nor do I have an educated guess so I'll just rate the uncannyness of this out of 10.

8/10

Raven cookie BLUNDER

My life says to my friend.

"You have no friends, I mean. Your friend, you know, the one that inhabits me as...I'm his life. Except he has no life. He also has no friends"

My friend....I think he was my friend....Says unto him...

"If he has no life...what are you...?

"I am...Busty McBoobrack."

I looked at my...My "friend" and my..."friend" said...At least, I think he said this...I cannot be to sure, After all, I'm deaf and can't lip read. He said

"I want a lukewarm blueberry in my sash please"

Or he might have also said

"Ich habe eine Katze Weg und WeiBe und ARBEITGAMEINESCHAFTEN afrika meine hausaufgabe ist mein kaputt und meine oma ist KAPUTT RICHTIG ODER FALSCH. Oder hast du eine krabbenburger?"

BUT my mom thinks he "said"

"nosotros es muy benjamin franklin, y soy eres hambergesa, en mi pantelones es muy sabroso. OIALLACHACHA!!"

Then I thought to myself...What if he said...

" Toy ray wa doko des kahhh??? WATASHI WAH! KAWAII DESU!"

But what he really said, I found this out much later, toward my death, an angel whispered in my ear...



"No"

(I understood what he said on account that he was an angel and therefor my deafness didn't matter)

The DEEOP WOODS

In a land far, far, far...Well..Not that far. But still, quite far. We shall call this far but not that far "fa fa" no caps. Or else.

Their once was a statue of a famous cartoon character in fa fa Land. The statue was of a famous cartoon character that famous people called "Busty Mcboobrack" on acount of her beutiful sapphire eyes.

In this land of famous cartoon statues and fa fa galor. Their lived a curse. Not just any curse.The arguable WORST CURSE EVER.

The curse goes as such.

" The Deeop woods! What a wonderful place!
The Deeop woofs. JackRusselwoof lives there.
Tick tock around the clock.
He said unto me "Hello! MY GOSH LOOK AT THAT FROCK"
The ryme was quite feeble.
and so. They kicked poor Jack out.
Jack cried. "

The ryme was so horrable that everyone died. The end.

(I'm dumb)

Said Bear.

Todaaaay

Did anyone notice Google's picture for veterans day?

Some guys legs, a teddy, and a short fat guy don't make the letters "gle"

THEY DO NOT PUT THE GLE IN GOOGLE.

Pixie Bugs

We wink and we Jazz.

We're free with pizazz.

We drink from the petals

Of flowers like these!

It tastes like ripe honey,

we'll do as we please!












Inspired by Paul Fleischman, author of Joyful Noises